Thursday, June 13, 2013

Life and Lights and Love

I feel I have no words to share.  No emotion to spare.  My energies spent on the urgent.  My prayers sent on the fly. 

Last week Patrick asked where his "smiley, happy mom had disappeared to?"  I love that my ever-sensitive boy not only sees it and feels it, he calls me out on it

This week I decided I can only live day-by-day, and in those days I want to make sure I am smiling at my kids, loving those around me, giving it over to God again and again (and yet again when I fail). 

Kim's surgery is Monday.  It's hanging over us, heavy as all the adoption paperwork we have ever completed!  We are just ready to be on the other side. 

My dad continues to decline.  Cancer sucks.  We don't use the "sucks" word in our family, except when it comes to cancer.  Let me repeat that.  Cancer sucks.  We spend as much time together as we can, relishing each precious visit. 

It's another reminder of how truly precious life is--you would think I would never forget that truth. 

And yet I do.  But I am also reminded of the healing power of love. 

"Love falls to earth, rises from the ground, pools around the afflicted.
Love pulls people back to their feet.  Bodies and souls are fed.
Bones and lives heal.
New blades of grass grow from charred soil.
The sun rises." 
~  Anne Lamott in Help, Thanks, Wow

I've been enjoying special time with the kids over spring break.  It included a trip to the video arcade where I solemnly swore I would not give them more than $15.  And after double that, Paul hit the jackpot, which made it all worthwhile. 

He ended up with enough tickets to become the proud owner of a red lava lamp.  Which now lights up his entire bedroom window with a bright red glow (I just hope it's not sending the wrong message to any passersby!). 

And, he had enough tickets left over to surprise his mama with a new case for her i-phone.  Lime green.  Rubber smell.  Given with a shy smile and love.  How sweet is that?  Let me tell ya, it's sweet enough that I will be taking that kid back to the video arcade in the near future--smart boy!

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