Pausing To Give Thanks

Hello.  It's been awhile.  I hope we can still be friends. 

I go days with nothing to say.  Yet so much goes unsaid. 

Some of it is the normal craziness of life, celebrating Patrick's friend party (yes, two months late!),

 

and keeping up with the normal busyness of life. 

Most of it is deep sadness over cancer ravaging my parents' lives.  No words.  One sweet memory that will always be etched in my memory.  Look down the path and you will see Mei Mei pushing my father's wheelchair.

Will came home to see his Papa.  Bittersweet.  And only two days with my son left me aching for more.  I loved having him near and hearing him laugh while teasing his siblings.  And I was I thrilled to see our grandbaby. I miss her.  More than words can ever convey.

I did force a family photo out of Will's few precious hours.  I forgot how absolutely agonizing family pictures are!!!  Ugh!  Working to find coordinating outfits is a form of human torture!

 

The professional version coming soon to a blog near you!

On a positive note Kim is recovering quite well!  We finally have our smiling, happy girl back!  And we are so thankful for friends who brought dinner or sent money to buy dinner--thank you!!!

The past few months have been a roller-coaster. I try to remember to focus on Christ and take one day at a time.  Some days I don't do that so well--like this morning.  But I came downstairs and saw this--compliments of Mei Mei.

And I walked into the boys' room and saw this.

And I was reminded to slow down and smile, and give thanks to God for all His goodness--even in the midst of sorrow. 

Doing Great!

I am so very happy to report that Mei Mei's surgery went GREAT! 

Grover rocks, but Vu was Anna's best "comfort object" of the day.

The surgeon wasn't entirely sure she would even be able to complete the surgery, due to problems with impacted teeth near the cleft.  We were thrilled that the surgery went very well.

She is in the hospital tonight, but has already managed to limp down to the playroom (her #1 priority post surgery).  She wants to come home, and be with her family, and had some tears about the prospect of staying overnight.

Thank you for all your prayers!

All I Really Want For Christmas

The Christmas cards sit unmailed (and unaddressed), the lights have yet to be hung (and won't be), the wonderful homemade gifts sit uncut and unsewn in my closet (where they will remain untouched until next year), BUT . . . the Christmas tree is up, with Mei Mei having the honors of donning the star.

The cookies are baked.

Thanks to my secret recipe.

The gifts and food basket were delivered to the family we assisted.  They were such a wonderful, grateful family, and they sent us home with a delicious flan--how sweet is that?  We plan to keep in touch in the coming year.

And finally, Mei Mei's Christmas stocking is complete.

My heart truly rejoices in this season of love and laughter, joy and hope.

And yet my heart aches thinking of all the children who won't get the one thing they really want AND DESERVE--a family. 



Praying that hearts and homes will open up in the coming year--for families, foster care, respite, sponsors, support, and prayers.

Praying for each of you, that your Christmas will be full of family, friends, and faith.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

See you on the other side!

Christmas And Overload

I love putting up the stockings for Christmas!  If you look closely at my new header pic you will notice that magenta stocking is not yet done. 

Mei Mei's stocking is high on my list of Christmas priorities.  And believe me, she will make sure I complete it!  She reminds me every day!

I am enjoying this holiday season.  I am mindfully willing myself to enjoy it.  You see, a most terrible thing happened a few weeks ago.  Lizzy said how she LOVES Christmas!  And before I could stop myself I said I DID NOT LIKE Christmas! 

How terrible is that?  I was actually horrified at my Grinch-likeness!  And that comment really made me think about changes I need to make to enjoy the season again.  I am doing less this year--less buying, less spending, less outside events.  BUT, I am also doing more!  More time at home, more time with the kids, more time reflecting on the true meaning of the season.  I am trying not to do anything I don't have to.  I am trying to let go of my perfectionism and let good enough be just that--I've (almost) quit worrying about buying the perfect gifts.

I am currently reading The Overload Syndrome by Richard Swenson.  Recommended.  I found his chapter on "Choice and Decision" to be especially applicable to Christmas.  Here are some of his main points:

1. Simplify decision making by limiting choices.
2. Simplify meal choices (I have started having pasta every Monday night, Tues is Mexican, Fri is pizza--even just having these three nights figured out is stress reducing.)
3. Make decisions and stick with them. (When I see a gift in the store, I buy it and quit worrying about if it will go on sale, if I will find something better etc.)
4. Value traditions (I'm a lover of traditions!).
5. Be wary of advertisements knowing that ads complicate, not simplify decisions.
6. Keep "good enough" over "better"--don't upgrade when we already have what we need
7. Choose appropriate load, not overload. (Swenson says to remember that when we insist on living overloaded lives our choices not only damage our own well-being but also inflict damage on those around us including our families.)
8. Own our own decisions and realize we can choose our own attitudes whatever circumstances we find ourselves in.
9. Pray for wisdom in decision making--both big and small.
10. Daily choose the things of God.

Update on Mei Mei : The Power of the Human Spirit to Adapt and Overcome!

I've been wanting to write an update about Mei Mei for some time and yet, it's hard to find the words.  Mei Mei's journey has been complicated, yet simple.  And just when I think I'm finding some clarity, everything goes out the window and a new door opens! 

Mei Mei has now been with us for eight months.  Her transition has been the easiest of all our kids;  her special needs the most difficult--and yet not.  It honestly feels like so much longer because it has been such an unusual, emotional, complicated journey--one that began with trepidation, fear, and questions that had no answers. 

When we first brought Mei Mei home we desperately sought answers--and, in the end, found few.  Mei Mei was ever so sweet.  She loved to mimic, and laugh, and tease, and simply be included in everything!  She wanted to try everything!  She was curious and inquisitive.  She was smart.

Mei Mei's development was all over the place.  Socially, she was like a toddler, but her gross motor was advanced.  She was strong and learned to ride a two-wheeler bike in one day, yet her fine motor was that of a 3 year-old.  She didn't know how to draw, write her name, use scissors, or count.  Actually, she could count to thirteen, but she didn't understand the concept of numbers. 

As always, I struggle with how much to share.  I want to protect my child's privacy.  But I also want to share with the hope of helping someone else walking in our shoes-- Especially someone who will arrive in their child's birth country and discover their child has similar special needs.  Without going into too much detail I will just say that Mei Mei had some bizarre behaviors.  If someone saw her in the grocery store they would see a child acting age appropriate one moment and then appearing very cognitively impaired the next.

Early on we tried to find professionals who might give us more clarity--providers knowledgeable of adoption and the outcome of neglect.  We wanted to be able to access services for Mei Mei, especially in school. 

Let me just say that was not a good idea.  I could write an entire book on why, but let's make it a short story and say that there are no professionals or tests that can diagnose/predict/label an adopted-and-recently-immigrated-non-English-speaking-high-anxiety-child, who fits into Mei Mei's category of neglect. 

Unfortunately, there are professionals who think they can.     

In the end, we knew that the only way to find answers would be to wait and see, filling her life with love, and education, and experiences.  We were (and are) fully prepared that Mei Mei might have learning challenges, while also believing that anything is possible.  She blows our socks off, on a daily basis, as the real Mei Mei shines through. 

And now?  Just eight months home, our sweet Mei Mei, who could not even draw a face or use scissors, can create this!

She has learned all her letters and their sounds, can write them all, and is READING HER FIRST WORDS!  She can write her brother's and sister's names by heart!  She can count to 100 (with a little help), add and subtract single digit numbers, make patterns, do puzzles, tie her shoes, and play board games! 

Her English is phenomenal!  We realized early on that her Chinese language was limited, now she speaks paragraphs in English and is always asking questions!  Many times, she will ask the same question over and over, which originally confused and concerned us.  Now, we realize she only does this when she is worried that we might change our mind (trust issues) or she's hoping for a better answer (normal kid!). 

Mei Mei is still so very sweet, and fun, and excited about life! 

She is becoming more relaxed, less anxious.  She loves playing outside and is very athletic.

She is still learning to navigate peer relationships and learn the social skills needed, but she rarely falls back into the quirky behaviors she originally presented with.  She loves school!  (She is also homeschooled part-time, but she wants to go to "real" school full time!)

She loves being with family, and having so many siblings, cousins and relatives!

She is still super attached to her daddy--a daddy's girl through and through!

She is relaxing around me more and more.  She is still tentative, but no longer afraid, and she talks to me non-stop.  She has yet to tell me that she loves me (tho she tells me how much she loves her daddy all the time!), but sometimes she will surprise me like on this day when I said I was making Chinese food for dinner and she literally jumped into my arms! 

I guess I should make Chinese food more often!

Mei Mei is an incredible blessing!  To know her is to love her!  She is the poster child for RESILIENCE!  I literally get tears in my eyes when I think about what she has overcome, and what a blessing she is to our entire family! 

We love her.

And she loves being loved! 

That's what adoption is all about!

Juggling

"How are you doing?"

A common question, and one I hear over and over now that school is in full gear.  Of course I usually take the culturally appropriate response of "fine," but sometimes I spill the beans and share how things are still crazy. 

Adding a new child to the family always turns things topsy turvy for a bit--but it's been more than a bit, so I guess I'm surprised.  (And really, when I think about it, we added two kids in one year, so I guess it should take more time for homeostasis to return.) 

But I'm impatient.  I want time for the basics and extras--organization, schedules coordinated, dinners planned ahead, and projects brought to completion in a timely manner.

Oh, I want at least a little downtime and some space in between all the to-dos. 

Go ahead.  Laugh.

Instead, I feel like a juggler who just added a few more balls, yet hasn't quite figured out how to throw the previous ones higher.  Sometimes one falls and I don't even notice, all the while I notice all the balls at my feet waiting for me to learn to juggle ever more. 

It's not a new problem, but the sweat beads are building up with the pressure.

I decided it was time to hire a consultant.  She was awesome!  Here she is, teaching kitchen tricks.

We went over all the survival tricks that have worked in the past, created a schedule, read new organizational books, brainstormed additional ways to simplify, streamline, and reorganize.

And it seemed to help a little, but it still felt just a step above survival mode.  I couldn't seem to implement many of the tools that previously worked.  Organizing core areas wasn't even working as well. 

And I struggled with that.  But one day, I realized that's okay.  

I don't need to keep striving for the past.  Things won't always be this busy; the key is to prioritize for now.

I realize I have to let some important things go while prioritizing others.  Education and health are the two key areas I am focusing on this school year. 

Lots of time and money are going into education.  Lizzy is in college and I am finishing the final year of my MSW which includes a time intensive internship in child welfare (it's awesome and I love it!).  I'm homeschooling Mei Mei part-time and we've put in place a tutor for Vu (more on both those topics later).  We are prioritizing Chinese school on Saturday and allowing for several hours of homework assistance on school days (kids learning English need lots of extra time to complete assignments). 

In terms of health, we have a bone graft surgery coming up for Mei Mei, possible eye surgery to correct her extropia, occupational therapy, and orthodontics.  We have three kids in speech and language therapy, two needing new glasses, one with a complicated dental issue, one with severe eczema, and three requiring visits to a specialist. 

Normally, all these appointments, time and $$ spent would drive me nuts, because it's like throwing some bowling pins in for the juggler.  But it's easier to accept now that I've deemed those categories the priorities.  It's easier for me to accept that my house won't be as organized, because I'm able to use any extra time for priorities such as teaching kids to read.  I allow myself to go to bed on time because health is a priority, not cleaning closets.  I'm doing what I've prioritized as important. 

I'm letting some of the balls go, in order to make sure I don't drop others--while still keeping a smile on my face.  It feels good.  At least for now.